Bringing Playfulness Back Into Your Relationship - Here's Where to Start

playfulness relationships
A heterosexual couple where the woman is riding piggy back on the man. They are very playful in expression and body language.

Do you ever look over at your partner and feel like they are more like your roommate than your lover? Over 67% of you in my community said that you feel like roommates. For many, this feeling might be hitting hard now that the excitement of the holiday season is behind us.

In the past, you might have experienced more dull-like feelings in other aspects of your life every now and then. However, with everything going on right now many of us are experiencing this feeling in multiple aspects of our life at once. Feeling like roommates can feel dull and empty. 

With so many things outside of our sphere of influence, it can be relieving to work on the things you are able to control.

While working through this roommate feeling you may find yourself realizing the connection you are missing goes beyond rituals, time together, and physical connection. 

Let's examine what else could be missing.


What is play? It will look different for everyone. For some, it’s witty banter and for others it involves movement, laughter, or doing something together without an end goal in mind. Play can be anything where you find yourself in a state of flow, described by psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi as the optimal experience of being completely absorbed in an activity. 

When we are in a state of flow and playfulness, we can feel close and connected in different ways. Why is this? Playfulness also requires you to be vulnerable, and vulnerability lays a strong foundation that allows you to have fun together.

But what exactly does playfulness look like? The truth is – I can’t tell you what playfulness will look like for you. However, I can help you explore memories that might help you recall ways you were once playful with your partner.

Think back to earlier days in your relationship. Playfulness can be rooted in an enjoyable past memory or perhaps a way you used to interact with your partner.

Here are a few prompts to help find your playfulness as a couple:

  • Find something that you connected on in the past that still brings laughter and joy
  • Revisit enjoyable memories from the past together and give your partner an unfiltered look into what you were thinking or feeling
  • Recall a memory with a shared meaning, something lighthearted
  • Think back to a time you just new what your partner was thinking by looks alone, almost like you were so in synch you could read your partner’s mind
  • Put on a favourite song and dance together, even if you have two left feet
  • Complete a project together that neither of you are experts on, learn something new together
  • Engage in humour and banter, within a safe, healthy environment

So you’re ready to bring playfulness back into your relationship, remember to be patient and adapt to the situation. What might be playful to you could be interpreted different by your partner. Listen to their feedback and be sure to share yours too.

Remember that playfulness is all about having fun and it should feel natural. Although, it might feel a little awkward bringing it back into your relationship, you should be able to find a natural rhythm.