Let me set the scene.

The tree is up.

The lights are on.

The decorations are hanging.

And I am envisioning a picture perfect moment… the kids smiling in their Christmas outfits while we all smile for that Instagram-worthy photo.

Cue. Reality.

My kids are now 5 and 7. Hot chocolate ends up on their clothes more than in their bellies. I haven’t sat down all day. And this is nothing like what I envisioned. 

And I pause. I take a breath. I welcome my perfectionistic voice and say, “Oh, hey there, I was wondering when you would show up this holiday season.”

The challenge with social media is that we see these beautifully crafted images without seeing what truly happened before. 

Family photos? Don’t even get me started – you know it didn’t look like “and everyone say cheese!” in one frame. 

Holiday get-togethers? Nope, not everyone is happy 100% of the time. 

The work project? Also probably didn’t go down as it is shown on social media.

The nursery and beautifully captured image of baby laying in the crib? This is the highlight reel.

So many women and mothers show up in my office struggling with high expectations  and perfectionism. 

The challenge? Life is not perfect. You are not meant to be perfect. There will be mistakes. It is not possible to be the perfect caregiver, partner and individual.  

And even more so? It’s a trait that society places on us.

And this pressure from society is not helpful.

Join me as I speak with DR. JEN DOUGLAS, a clinical assistant professor at Stanford University, licensed psychologist, and mental wellness speaker. She focuses on helping individuals overcome anxiety, perfectionism and trauma which may be holding them back from living their lives in the most full and authentic way.

In this episode, we discuss:

  • 13:47 – What is perfectionism and how does it show up for people?
  • 22:23 – Why do I strive for it?
  • 34:37 – What is the connection between burnout and perfectionism?
  • 48:09 – Overcoming the all-or-nothing thinking
  • 53:13 – What you can start doing now to help perfectionism

Dr. Jen Douglas on Instagram
Check out her Freedom From Perfectionism Course

Looking for more? Join me in my online teachings so you can feel like a team again. 
Grab my 28 Days of Love email series built with evidence-based tools to help you and your partner start to reconnect.
Ready to learn how to repair? Take my free masterclass
Looking to improve your relationship? Join me in my online program, Be Connected

This podcast episode is sponsored by Magic MindMagic mind is one of the best morning ritual drinks to help improve focus and decrease stress.  To get started head to MagicMind.co and use code Shrink20 to save 40% off your first subscription or 20% off your first one-time purchase. My 40% off code lasts for only 10 days. 

"Such a fantastic compilation of well curated interviews and ideas to support relationships! You will walk away with concrete ideas and big shifts to help your marriage. The podcast beautifully compliments her membership for anyone living in a pandemic and also married." - Drsfe

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About the Show

I'm Not Your Shrink is a podcast aimed at helping you feel connected to yourself, to others, and to live a life aligned with what matters most to you. I bring you clinical knowledge and evidence based research, along with experiences of sitting in the therapist chair along with being a wife and mother. I'm joined by subject matter experts to talk about everyday issues we all face to change the dialogue in your life.