Have you ever noticed how sometimes it's the tiniest gestures that make you feel the most seen and cherished?

The cup of coffee poured for you first thing in the morning.

The text in the middle of the day asking how that big meeting went.

The drugstore items that you mentioned you were low on.

These small daily actions might seem ordinary, but in reality, they lay the groundwork for one of the most important things we need in our relationships.:

Trust.

Let’s take a look at why these small things matter in our relationship—every day of the year, not just on Valentine’s Day.

Why the Small Things Matter 

Most people begin their relationship with an openness and a certain level of trust. Overtime, that trust deepens, not by grand gestures and asking, “Do you trust me now?” But instead by the small things that build up.

I love the analogy from Brené Brown, who uses the idea of a marble jar. Each day, when something small happens that builds trust, you put a marble in the jar. But when trust is broken, the entire jar knocks over and you have to start again. 

Real trust is built on consistent, day-to-day follow-through. It’s showing your partner they can rely on you, that you’re there—even when the world feels overwhelming and busy.

Just think about it:

• When you say you’ll be home at 5, and you arrive at 5
  You communicate respect for your partner’s time and show them you can be counted on.
• When you turn to your partner and share the hard thing, even though you know they might be upset
  You demonstrate openness, deepening the emotional safety in your bond.
• When you talk about the mundane parts of life (which can feel challenging for those who lean towards avoidance)
  You show that you’re willing to be present in all aspects of the relationship—big and small.

Each of these moments is a tiny deposit into what the Gottman’s Love Lab talk about, the emotional “Love Bank” of your relationship. Over time, those deposits accumulate, creating a cushion of trust and connection that helps both of you weather the hard seasons.

Turning Toward Each Other Through Life’s Routine Moments

So much of our lives together is made up of day-to-day responsibilities, from doing the dishes and laundry to planning for the kids’ schedules. We easily become two ships passing in the night. These tasks become sources of stress and resentment if one or both partners feel ignored or overwhelmed.

But we can view them as opportunities to build trust and to show up for each other:

• Offer Support: Notice when your partner is struggling with something (even if it’s small, like annoyance at doing the dishes) and step in to help without waiting to be asked.
• Check In Regularly: Make it a habit to ask, “How was your day?” or “What’s going on?” and really listen. Even if it’s just about routine details, your engaged presence signals that you value them.
• Keep Promises: When you say you’ll do something, do it. Prompt follow-through—no matter how minor the task—reinforces the sense that “we’re in this together.”

These everyday actions might not seem groundbreaking, but consistently doing them tells your partner: “I see you. I respect you. I’m here for you.”

Navigating Discomfort for Deeper Connection

Sometimes, avoidance feels like the safer path—especially when you worry about your partner’s possible reaction. However, leaning into those uncomfortable conversations builds trust. When you say, “We need to talk about something that’s been on my mind,” you’re sending a message that you’re committed to growing together.

• Name What’s Hard: It could be fears about finances, frustrations with work, or even feelings of jealousy or insecurity. By naming these emotions (and owning them as your own), you create a space where both of you can engage and find solutions.
• Validate Each Other: Remember, just because one partner is upset doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong. Your goal is to show you care enough to hear their pain, and to reassure them that you’re in this together.
• Celebrate the Courage to Share: I don’t think people acknowledge this enough, so I’m going to put it here. Sharing is hard work! After you’ve made it through a hard conversation, take a moment to acknowledge the bravery it took to open up and the mutual understanding you gained.

Ready to Go from “Roommates” to Rediscovering the Spark?

Feeling disconnected in a relationship can be painful—like you’re merely coexisting rather than truly sharing a life. If you’ve been longing to feel that spark again, to deepen your trust and rekindle your emotional and physical closeness, I invite you to join my More Than Roommates Challenge.

This challenge is designed to:

• Help you identify the small, actionable steps that make the biggest difference in building trust.
• Guide you in turning mundane moments into opportunities for deeper connection.
• Equip you with strategies to navigate conflict and share hard feelings without pulling away from each other.

Because you deserve to feel loved, understood, and supported every single day. And sometimes, all it takes is learning to show up in the small ways that say, “I choose you—again and again.”

Ready to rediscover the spark and transform your daily interactions? Join the More Than Roommates Challenge today and begin your journey toward a more connected, fulfilling relationship!

Remember, you don’t have to wait for a holiday or special occasion to feel valued and cared for. Trust is in the little things we do every day. Let’s start building it together.